Oh Lord, Our Father who art in heaven,
We the community of Jews who do not find the Maccabeats to be "the best thing ever", beseech you. We fear that the coming days shall bring great hardships on our ever dwindling community - for all omens point that the Maccabeats will release a new Pesach themed song. Is our Maror not bitter enough? we urge you to be merciful- even the plagues of Egypt lasted only a week, while our suffering by their candlelight and unnamed purim song know no end! Painful as the boils with which you punished Egypt their catchy new tune is sure to be hummed and buzzed by all our trendy Jewish co-workers, like the Locusts that covered the Egyptian field, their song will be embeded, forwarded, tweeted and "liked" by all those who have succumbed to their clean shaved goodness. Our father, show mercy on your flock of Jews with good musical taste, for already there is not a single teen age girl in our midst. As it is stated in your torah "I will put none of the diseases upon thee, which I have put upon the Egyptians; for I am the LORD that healeth thee" (Exodus 15:26).