Best Soap Review Ever.

This is possibly the best review I've ever read for any product. From Amazon -

Someone once asked me if I had ever tried Axe body-wash. I put down the five pound turkey leg I had been gnawing on, looked them dead in the eye and said, "Once. Then I put it in a canoe that I hollowed out of a giant redwood with my fingernails and sent it down the river... which is a better service than it deserved." I am a man, and I don't want any liquid soap that leaves you with some nondescript "sexy" smell. When I wash myself in anything that is not the blood of my enemies, I use pine tar soap. I want an emollient that will cut through all of the dirt, sweat, blood, pitch, grease, or more blood that I might find myself covered in at any moment, and I want it to leave me smelling like a camp fire. This is not a dual action body scrub and moisturizer that pairs well with your passion fruit shampoo. This is a man's soap that smells the way my beard, boots, and red flannel shirt look... magnificent.

Insulting Haredi Poster

I'm not even going to attempt to translate this. Needless to say חרדקים is about as insulting as ערבושים.

This Is What Living In A Dictatorship Is Really Like

From the Moscow Times:

Turkmen President Gurbanguly Berdymukhammedov fell off his horse just after he crossed the finish line in first place in Ashgabat this week — and then tried to cover up the tumble by forcing spectators to delete all evidence of the incident.

Berdymukhammedov won the $11 million purse when the horse he was riding won by about a length and half at the racetrack — a fact trumpeted by the former Soviet republic's tightly controlled media.
But the leaked video footage shows that the horse then stumbled and Berdymukhammedov flew over its shoulders. The other horses barely missed trampling the motionless president. A group of men in black suits swarmed onto the track and, after a few moments, an ambulance pulled up and whisked away the apparently unconscious Berdymukhammedov.

About an hour later, a stiff-looking Berdymukhammedov returned to the event and waved to the cheering crowd, indicating that he was well.

During the hourlong interval, Berdymukhammedov's security detail went through the crowd, which included members of top international equestrian clubs invited to attend the event on an all-expenses-paid junket, and forced them to delete videos and photos of the incident, EurasiaNet.org reported.

 Law enforcement officials also searched passengers flying out of the Ashgabat airport, seizing mobile phones, tablet computers, laptops, cameras and any other devices that could be used to record the fall, Fergana news agency reported. 

Cartoon of the Day

"Looking Good, And Staying Holy" But Sounding like an Idiot.

From the New York Post:

An Orthodox Jewish woman is suing makeup giant Lancome, claiming that its “24-hour” foundation doesn’t really last that long — and so doesn’t stay on long enough to get her through the Sabbath.

Rorie Weisberg of upstate Monsey says the French luxury-cosmetics maker committed the sin of false advertising when it claimed that its new Teint Idole Ultra 24H provides a full day and night of “lasting perfection.”

 Because of the product’s failure, she says, she can’t look good and stay holy at the same time. 

No offense, I think you have bigger problems than just looking good and staying holy.

HatTip: Miriam.

The Monty Hall Problem

I've been trying to explain this to people for years:

Updates on the Israeli Chief Rabbi Race

• Harav Ariel claims he is "too old" to become the Chief Rabbi, as well as voicing his objection to "personal laws" - i.e laws that are meant to benefit a single individual. 
• Despite such claims, Harav Druckman continues to work to make Harav Ariel the Jewish Home's candidate.  Shai Piron announces that the Chief Rabbi will not be chosen as part of "a political deal", and renews Yesh Atid's support of Harav Stav. 
• Rabbis from Tekuma - part of the Jewish Home party, warn Bennett not to agree to change the composition of the electorate body that will choose the Chief Rabbi. Their reasoning is that changing the body will lower the public perception of the Chief Rabbinate. (As if it could go any lower). 
• The Jewish Home threatens Shas that if it won't agree to the nomination of Harav Ariel (who is apparently not too old) they will nominate a contender for Sephradic Chief Rabbi - Harav Haim Amsalem.  

As always Israeli politics is the best show in town. 

Killing The Executioner By Error

From the Washington Post:

MOGADISHU, Somalia — An official in a semi autonomous region of Somalia says the government has executed 13 prisoners, including a woman.

Abdifatah Haji Aden, Puntland’s military court chairman, said the prisoners were executed by firing squad on the outskirts of Bossaso, Puntland’s commercial hub, on Tuesday. Aden said one soldier who helped carry out the execution died after being struck by an errant bullet fired by a colleague.

The Jewish Autonomy In Jerusalem 614 CE

I was somewhat surprised to learn in Elder Of Ziyon of a little known Jewish autonomy over Jerusalem in the  years 614-617 CE. This would make it the last Jewish autonomy over Jerusalem, before the modern State of Isreal.

In "A History of the Jewish People" by Haim Hillel be-Sasson, we learn:

In the last days of Byzantine rule over the Land of Israel the Jews made an attempt to exploit the rivalry between the powers ruling the orient - Persia, Byzantium and Rome - in order to regain their political independence. For hundreds of years they had repeatedly hoped that the redemption of the Jewish people would come with the conquest of Palestine by Persia; and now the time seemed to have arrived. At the beginning of the seventh century, the Persians set out on their conquests in the East, and in the year 614 they reached the borders of Palestine. Their approach set off a powerful messianic fermentation, which is reflected in several works written at the time whose theme is the Redemption. The Armenian historian Sebeos reported (Chapter XXIV): 'As the Persians approached Palestine, the remnants of the Jewish nation rose against the Christians, joined the Persians and made common cause with them.' The Jews assisted the invaders materially in their conquest of Galilee. From there the invading army turned to Caesarea and continued its conquests down to Apollonia, then eastwards to Lydda and from there to Jerusalem, which was captured in May 614. Jewish forces also took part in the conquest of Jerusalem. Sophronius, a contemporary monk who lived near Bethlehem, wrote in a poem: 'God-seeking strangers and citizens of the city [Jerusalem]; . When they faced the Persians and their Hebrew friends/Hastened to close the city gates.' 

The Persians handed Jerusalem over to Jewish settlers, who proceeded with the expulsion of the Christians and the removal of their churches. At the head of Jerusalem stood a leader whom we know only by his messianic name: Nehemiah ben Hushiel ben Ephraim ben Joseph. The sacrificial cult may even have been resumed. Jewish rule in Jerusalem lasted three years. In 617 there was a reversal of Persian policy. For reasons that are not sufficiently clear, the Persians made peace with the Christians. The Jews, on the other hand, did not, and the Persian authorities were forced to fight them: 'And they waged war against the saints and brought down many of them. and Shiroi [the king of Persia] stabbed Nehemiah ben Hushiel. and sixteen of the just were killed together with him (Book of Zerubabel, page 101).

Most of what we know of Nehemiah ben Hushiel is from the apocalyptic book of Zerubbel. Zerubbel  describes the eschatological struggle between the Armilus, who is the leader of Rome, and the Messiah ben Yosef - Nehemiah. Nehemiah falls in battle (which is actually the defining charecterisitc of all Messiah Ben Yosef), but will be resurrected by Hephisibah the mother of the Messiah. (exciting stuff!)